Daily Archives: December 14, 2011

real operations research pick-up lines

Who says you can’t find love using operations research? The popularity of my last post led to a slew of hypothetical operations research pick-up lines on twitter. No one apparently had used an OR pick-up line. Ryan O’Neil came the closest. He used OR while already in a relationship: “i actually dated someone where we discussed our relationship like that. it… ended up violating monotonicity.

Thanks for your feedback and great sense of humor, tweeps!

Here is a great pick-up line from @Marianela_PC:

“hilarious! I was thinking something like: ‘you make me relax all my constraints'”

Rob Jefferson (@techstepper) came up with something similar:

“How about we go relax our constraints?”

Here are a few pick-up lines from @JohnAngelis

“Let’s go on a random walk that converges on a moonlit beach.

“I’ve searched for beauty far and wide and you are my global optimum.”

“I’ve searched for beauty far and wide and you are my global optimum.”

“Truly amusing. But if I ever did use a #CornyORMSPickupLine in real life, I should instantly be relegated to infeasible zone.

Matthew Saltzman (@SaltzmanMJ) found a link to Stanislaw Lem’s Cyberiad love sonnet using pure math terms:

Come, let us hasten to a higher plane,
Their indices bedecked from one to n,
Commingled in an endless Markov chain!

Come, every frustum longs to be a cone,
And every vector dreams of matrices.
Hark to the gentle gradient of the breeze:
It whispers of a more ergodic zone.

In Riemann, Hilbert or in Banach space
Let superscripts and subscripts go their ways.
Our asymptotes no longer out of phase,
We shall encounter, counting, face to face.

Thou’lt tell me all the constants of thy love;
And so we two shall all love’s lemmas prove,
And in our bound partition never part.

For what did Cauchy know, or Christoffel,
Or Fourier, or any Boole or Euler,
Wielding their compasses, their pens and rulers,
Of thy supernal sinusoidal spell?

Cancel me not — for what then shall remain?
Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes,
A root or two, a torus and a node:
The inverse of my verse, a null domain.

Ellipse of bliss, converse, O lips divine!
The product of our scalars is defined!
Cyberiad draws nigh, and the skew mind
cuts capers like a happy haversine.

I see the eigenvalue in thine eye,
I hear the tender tensor in thy sigh.
Bernoulli would have been content to die,
Had he but known such a squared cosine 2 phi!